Signs That Your Therapist Isn't The Right One For You

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Choosing the right the right therapist is a very important part of the process where we treat any mental illness. This can often even determine how effective the treatment is going to be. It is important to choose the therapist that is right for you because this is someone that is ultimately going to help you overcome a lot of challenges related to your mental health. There are a lot of therapists out there, and there are a lot of good therapists. But it might have happened to you to get a recommendation of this awesome therapist that helped your friend’s sister in law and she’s now absolutely happy, yet when you started going it didn’t do much for you. Maybe this simply isn’t the right therapist for you.

Here are four simple signs to help you recognize that maybe you need to think about a new therapist:

There simply isn’t a connection there

As silly as it sounds, it’s true. Sometimes that first impression can really be the true impression. You’re going to this person’s office at a time where you are vulnerable and you are supposed to pour your heart out. But you feel like there isn’t any connection. You just don’t feel like you are properly engaged in the session, and you simply don’t feel it. That vibe you need is just missing. And the more sessions you go to – the more you are confident in this. It might be a sign that this isn’t the right therapist for you.

You feel like you can’t tell them everything

Being open with your therapist is very important. They should know a lot of things, including intimate things in order to work through the problem.  If you feel like you can’t tell your therapist everything and you’re holding yourself back from what is truly on your mind, then you should take a moment to think why. Is this because you are an introverted person, or because they simply make you feel uncomfortable. Why do they make you feel uncomfortable? It might be the way that they approach you or the way they consult you. Do you expect a therapist to have a different approach in a session? If the answer is yes, then this is not your therapist.

You find it hard to follow their instructions

So they give you a little bit of homework to do. Something to work on and try to improve until the next session. But you’re just not engaging with it.You feel like they don’t know what they’re talking about or that they still don’t know you well. Maybe they’re moving a little bit too fast? Maybe you need a bit more time to work on something? If you find it hard to follow your therapist’s instructions for whatever reason it can get you really frustrated at the end.

You feel like they haven’t set a goal for your sessions

It is important that the sessions you go through during therapy have a purpose. Being fully focused on the purpose itself is also not a good idea, but with the help of your therapist, you should be able to establish a direction towards which your time together is going to roll. When there isn’t a clear direction set, then you might feel like you’re walking away with nothing once the session is over. Therapists are people too, and sometimes they make mistakes. What matters is that you feel like you have the space to point it out.

However, if after a few sessions it feels like there isn’t a solid direction in the sessions, something is probably not right. Each session with your therapist should help you move a step forward to your better self. You should be able to notice the difference after a while, and if you’re not - don’t be afraid to communicate about it. Maybe your therapist does have goals set for the sessions, but their approach should change a little bit. Other times, it might be you that is a little bit impatient.

But before you jump into conclusions...

You should also take a look at the way you approach your therapist. Maybe you too should try and settle a little bit sometimes. The first few sessions might not feel very right because after all, this person is a stranger. And if this is your first time going to a therapist you should be a little patient and give it a little time before you decide.

Building a relationship with your therapist isn’t very different from building a relationship with any other human being you meet. Some of them may be off to a rocky start, but it is that one open and honest conversation that can get things going in a better direction.

At the end of the day, don’t forget that even though this is a patient-therapist relationship, it is also a human to human connection. So discuss it with your therapist and be open if something about the sessions doesn’t feel right to you.

This very same human to human connection is why sometimes you end up with the wrong therapist. No matter how good they are, sometimes things just don’t click. This is not your fault or their fault, it just is. And that’s okay. What you need to do is be open and honest about it. With yourself and with your therapist. It can help you improve your relationship with them, or eventually help you find the right therapist for you.

Don’t get discouraged if things don’t work out. It is more than often that people go from one office to the other until they find the therapist that can help them. Keep doing your research and remember that there’s a solution for everything. When you reach out for help for the first time remember that obstacles like this can happen, but this should never hold you back from getting the help you need and living the life that you’ve always wanted to live.

Emma V.